How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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