I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
