Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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