I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize