Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
