i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
