yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
