Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
