RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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