margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
