That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize