I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
