Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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