Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
