Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
