I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
