I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
