You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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