We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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