Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so explain again why im purple
no
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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