I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
