Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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