I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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