WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
