I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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