I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
