he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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