thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
