For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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