worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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