So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
