So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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