i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
