I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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