He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
