I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
