Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
