dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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