Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
