I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
