When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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