I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
