i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
