shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
