I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
