I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They took my balls.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize