A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
