$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
