For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
