Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
