There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
