shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
