What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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