Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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