Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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