i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
