Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
