He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
