There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
