You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
