just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize