Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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