She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
