Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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