she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
