On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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