We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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