Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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