its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
