When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
