it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
