I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
