shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
