did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize