Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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