Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
