i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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