Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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