a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize