it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
