i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
