I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
