if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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