So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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