Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize