Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
