i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
