i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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