Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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