I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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