Nicole vs. Life
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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