you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
