i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize