I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We left the knife in your bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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