grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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