i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize