shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
