sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
