The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you never un-have a 4some
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
