How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
