so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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