you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize