that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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