don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
