i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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